"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way–in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only." Tale of Two Cities
Most can and do relate to these words sometime in their lives. But this.....this defines our year. The year started off tough and became worse, but then became good. July 1st marked an "epoch of belief", or the beginning of a distinctive change for Olivia's 15 year struggle with uncontrolled seizures with the legalization of Medicinal Cannabis. But, then she had her dips, seizure cycles would return and unbelief would sweep in like a thief in the night. Her year was filled with darkness, and then Light.....brimming with despair, then off set by Hope. The wisdom taught made the foolishness that much more foolish.
I love one commentator's interpretation of this powerful sentence. He says "these famous lines hint at the novel's central tension between love and family, on the one hand, and oppression and hatred, on the other. The passage makes marked use of anaphora which suggests that good and evil, wisdom and folly, and light and darkness stand equally matched in their struggle." Chronic illness. Chronic pain. Chronic suffering encompasses it all. It causes tension among the sufferer's family. It can destroy love. It can cause hatred. But then, in walks Love.
This year was really about holding on. Holding on to a hope and dream that her suffering could come to an end - either here on earth with a healing, or in heaven. I winced each time I read Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life" because I knew that was a path my heart was heading. When I felt myself going this way, holding on to my desire for her suffering to end became the priority, knowing I needed His help to focus on it.
Soon, I began playing Jaime Grace's "Holding On" song over and over until the truth was embedded in my heart. Words like:
I just keep holding on to what I believe
Oh, I believe in you
Give me the strength to fight
And the heart to believe
When it’s hard to believe in you
Oh and these are the times when doubt’s tryin’ to creep in
And I need a reason that’s larger than life when hope seems hard to find
If only I can fight just a little longer
I know it’s gonna make me stronger
Walking up and down the stairs became a challenge: