Olivia's journey has been rough - to say the least. Born perfectly healthy, her declining health has always been called a mystery. Fifteen years have come and gone, with no change to the daily seizures that have held our hearts hostage..... until now. Finding HOPE and healing for our girl began with the introduction of Medicinal Cannabis - A controversial treatment for untreatable seizure disorders.

Her story briefly -

At 18-months she developed little "shaking spells" in the middle of the night. Olivia's journey has been rough - to say the least. Born perfectly healthy, her declining health has always been called a mystery. Fifteen years have come and gone, with no change to the daily seizures that have held our hearts hostage..... until now. Finding HOPE and healing for our girl began with the introduction of Medicinal Cannabis - A controversial treatment for untreatable seizure disorders.The Neurologist called them "Generalized Myoclonic Seizures". In many cases this can be the beginning of a degenerative condition, but month after month Olivia “defied” this inaccurate diagnosis by continuing to develop normally. Several months later, after a medical procedure, the little "shakes" became large jerks that would catapult her to the floor. She stopped talking, stopped responding to our voice and appeared have entered her own little world. The seizures continued to change. They soon became "drop" seizures and would come on with no warning and she would fall or crash into whatever was in front or below her. They continued to worsen into classic tonic clonic seizures that would last anywhere between 40 to 90 seconds.

Complexity was the word often used to describe Olivia's condition. We've done our due diligence.....we tried all the medications, none worked. We tried the supplement route through a well-known clinic in Chicago. We then tried the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD), to which the Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAPS) diet is developed from. We saw such amazing results from this diet we decided to take her off the many supplements she was taking because we didn't think she needed them. Well, we were wrong, and she crashed. Apparently, the supplements were helping her --- it was not a coincidence. It made sense that to get her back (at least to the place before pulling the supplements away), we should just put her back on the supplements -- but it didn't happen that way. The complexity often used to describe her was now ten fold, any change we made "upset" her fragile hypersensitivity to change and her path became even more confusing and "crooked". The Medicinal Cannabis has finally given us a mechanism to control the extreme Neurological Inflammation racing through her little body -- something every anticonvulsant medication failed to deliver on.

Our beautiful girl

Our beautiful girl

As a parent to a severely autistic child who has daily uncontrolled seizures, the memory of her being "normal" has never been forgotten. The hope of helping, if not stopping her daily suffering has been an uphill journey. Approaching her situation from a diet perspective is not an entirely new idea. Olivia was on a version of the SCD diet in 2005 with some success because I never introduced the homemade yogurt, which is the main healing modality. The main difference between then and now is the knowledge base of Dr. McBride and her ability to share the wealth of information she personally gathered as she cured her own severely autistic child with the SCD diet.

I do respect and am thankful for the excellent emergency practices of the conventional medical institution. Their services have literally saved Olivia's life on numerous occasions. Alternative care has taught me so much about the power of your own immune system, and the tragedy that can follow when the immune system is damaged. Why these two worlds can't work together to shape and protect us all is a shame.

This blog is really about our journey over the last 15 years. Although the focus is Olivia and her recovery, I will also include how this has affected our whole family and how we have dealt with this unexpected interruption in our lives.

Hebrews 11:1 -

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Have a question or comment for me?

If you have a question or comment for me feel free to leave it under the "comments" section on the bottom of each individual post. If you would like to leave a private comment you can email me at kellynjohnson94@gmail.com.

Monday, January 1, 2024

Happy 2024! The Year to Find the Missing Piece(s)

Happy New Year! 2024! I hope this message finds you well.

A singular puzzle piece. This has been on my mind since the last time I shared my heart with you.

Or perhaps, a grouping of pieces arranged in different, colorful configurations. I'm sure you are familiar with the symbolism of the puzzle piece within many different autism communities or amongst individuals who belong on the Autism Spectrum. It's recognizable.

Two decades have come and gone as I've searched for the missing piece (or pieces) to help Olivia. It's been a lonely journey, never really feeling like we both have had much significance in our hopes and (unrealistic?) expectations.

During this hospital stay, that word, "significance" has dominated my thinking. What is true significance? What is it that we all truly want (need?)?  I realized that the lack I'm feeling is wondering if we are significant to God, that He sees us.....cares for us in our suffering. If I base it on my feelings, it certainly hasn't felt like He has. Listening for a Voice that has been silent for years. Or, so I thought.

Hearing His voice has to be a choice. 

I've been reclusive lately, both physically and spiritually. Running from any or all "assignments" I partly hear because my heart can't bare further failure. Going deep is amazing unless you aren't prepared for the possible detours...or further detours. Finding missing puzzle pieces require the search. You know, like when you are searching for your child's favorite puzzle piece lost in your house somewhere.

What tends to happen? You give up. Even though you try and try to visualize where you last saw it, only to realize that it is certainly a lost cause. Years go by, your child has grown up and that old puzzle with the missing piece, you donate it, mentioning on the box - "just one missing piece, please still enjoy". You move on. You forget about how much it bothered you to actually visualize where that missing piece only to never find it. But then it happens. You clean out closets, like a deep clean, and there it is. 

What helped me visualize my rededication to Olivia's missing pieces and God's job for me? In 2022, during the Covid situation, a sweet lady at the local Nothing Bundt Cake, with her cute little black mask with painted on red lips and pearly white teeth. She looked up at me and said, "You are just beautiful today. Are you Irish?" Shocked by how adorable she was, I laughed for the first time in a while. She looked down at my online order and looked up with what I could only imagine a big smile behind the oversized mask and started singing to me.  

She sang, "Kelly Kelly Kelly, K-E-L-L-Y". You know, the song from the hit TV show Cheers. The song from Woody to Kelly, the love of his life.

Unexpectately, my eyes filled with tears, knowing deep down that she was prompted by my patient Lord to sing a song of acknowledgment, if not significance to my musically castrated heart.  Who would have guessed that? 

Back in the 90's people would sing that section of the "Kelly Song" to me all the time, I haven't heard it for years.

When I walked out of the store, I wiped my tears and instantly felt the need to google this infamous song. To hear the rest of HIS message to me, the God who has been waiting. Waiting for me to finally let go, to finally let Him back in, to pick up my cross and assignment, regardless of the outcome. I found myself remembering  and appreciating  those bible stories of people and their faith waxing and waning through years of their individual trials as they attempted to walk by faith when the "sight" was looking dim. Abraham, Sarah, David, Moses, Hannah, Joseph, Gideon & Job to name a few.

Here it is, if you haven't heard it before:

As I listened, I knew immediately this was a love song to me .....and not from Woody, but from my Father in heaven, you know, the one I've been running from like a spoiled brat. 

Listen in:

"Kelly, my darling, you are my sunshine. When we are together, I feel fine."

"Your smile is so lovely, your hair is so clean (ha), you make me feel like the whole world is mine." (understatement)!!!!

"Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly Kelly K-E-L-L-Y. Why because you're Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly of MINE."

"Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine Mine Mine Mine Mine Mine....MINE."

If you watched the short video, you probably heard the response from the actress Kelly:

"Woody, that was beautiful." "You really liked it?" said Woody.

"I liked it more than anything", said Kelly.

"Thanks", replied Woody.

"SO.........where's my gift"? Kelly said while looking around the room, looking like a spoiled brat.

I can't help to think there was a message here for me.

That message can only be that He is my gift. His love, His patience, Him not giving up on me, Him showering my soul with the only gift that matters. That I am His and He misses me. He misses our time. He misses me crying out to Him for strength, for guidance, for healing for my girl.

He wanted to guide me to the ragged pieces that were stolen, not lost,  from the puzzle box. Only He can make them suddenly appear in that deep cleaned closet of my soul, after the giving up was given up. Only He can lead me to the treasure trove of knowledge that for some reason was only destined to appear 24 years later.

So, here's to the New Year, to New Beginnings, to New Wisdom, to New Knowledge & finally New Possibilites for Olivia and her one and only life here on earth. How could I ever give up when I have the Almighty leading me on and calling me His sunshine!




Saturday, January 1, 2022

Happy New Year!!🤩

Happy New Year!

2022 is Olivia’s year! We’ve learned so much and so hopeful for her healing journey this year!  We are so excited to step into the new wisdom and understanding to the root of her health challenges.

Join me in my prayers that this year is going to be bright, full of miracles and wonders. 

God is for us, not against us. He’s for Olivia and wants to see her healthy and whole❤️

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

The Boy (Girl) Who Cried Wolf

Long time no see❤️

This little fable popped into my head the other day. I was thinking....To some it may look as though I've cried wolf on this journey with Olivia. As I pondered this comparison, I realized that I've done it many times throughout the years. It's gone something like this:

"I think I know what happened."

"I know this drug will help her."

"I know the Ketogenic Diet will stop them."

"I know this intervention is what she needs."

"I know that I know that I know, that this will help her."

And so on, and so forth. Year after year after year.......after year.  

It was just so odd. Completely normal little girl - out of the blue starts having shaking sessions. 

The boy in the popular fable was a trickster, he was seeking attention, and felt he only got it when his life was in peril. After being tricked many times, his family and friends began to question him, retreating from his cries to his very detriment - for when the wolf was real, his cries landed on deaf ears.

The shaking sessions ushered in an unwanted life of peril for Olivia, and I've been her voice.  Her voice was silenced. I'm not a trickster, I'm not seeking attention. I'm not a liar. I'm a Momma set on a difficult journey, holding onto all sorts of hope for my beautiful girl. My cries are far different. I'm crying out FOR her, from a lonely, isolated place where believing seems to be a false flag. "Believing" cries that now sadly rest on deaf ears because there hasn't been any substance. I get it. I would question it too. For some odd reason, I've felt like I'm supposed to share her story with you. Some days I feel like saying "Hey you....do you want  to follow this crooked path?" Only to find myself cowering in the corner with the blinds drawn shut, the very next day.

I've had a difficult time since the hospital stay from hell three long years ago. It was the ultimate trigger for a downward spiral for both Olivia and I. 

Just being real.

Don't get me wrong. Olivia has recovered to 90% of her baseline pre-hospital status - all except the walking. I count my blessings everyday that she defied the post hospital prognosis. She can lift her head. She can eat (no feeding tube). She can sit on the floor by herself. Everything, but the walking. For me, I've dug myself out of that self-pity pit. I've moved from anger, resentment, bitterness, doubt & unbelief.  Some of you may have been around during this and I'm sorry if you were caught in the crossfire.  I've repented my screams that "He's not coming through for me, He's not coming through for her". Everything, but her complete healing. The healing I've dreamed of for 20 years that seems to consistently go off course to a crooked kind of scenario that takes months, if not years to recover from.  

There is a theme in my dreams that have been happening for 20 years - that theme is loss. Last night's dream was no different. I had a clinic appointment and went in to check-in. The receptionist told me that my appointment was actually the next day, but she said I could wait. While waiting, I decided to use the restroom and was instructed it was just down the hall. As I started walking, the hall became longer and longer until at one point I walked through a ballroom where people young and old were dancing.  I became tired and worried about getting back to my appointment. When I finally returned, the clinic was closed and I had to try again tomorrow.

My dreamworld mirrored my existence. I was always searching. Always studying, researching. Going down long halls of information while watching all my friends & family living their lives, dancing to the melody of life in a giant ballroom. As they enjoyed their toddler, I was searching. While their children moved through the school system, I was distracted by the distance of my walk, only to find out I was always early, never on time. Fighting an overwhelming feeling that I had lost Olivia and could never make it right, never get her back and feeling a weight of responsibility that is so emotionally crushing that, at one point in 2018, as I took her damaged body and soul home after that last hospital stay, I became so lost I did not know how to even find the hallway back.

Distraction became my friend as I watch her lay on her back, unable to even lift her head. 

It was too much.

Feeling betrayed by my journey, I distracted myself with other things. Distraction from the pain. Distraction from the betrayal of a 3 month hospital stay, or was it a different kind of betrayal? I'm still processing that one. I threw myself into a new passion ----- my passion with photography that I never pursued because I was stuck in the hallway.

Then, 2020 hit and we were all stuck in the hallway with new fears, coupled with more loss and more deceptions. Olivia's therapist mentioned this revolutionary thought..... 2020 actually carried with it a possibility of seeing life with actual 20/20 - looking back on things with a clearer image - because we all know that looking back often renders the vision of our mistakes or missteps done in the heat of the moment, or simply due to the  lack of knowledge we possessed at that time. This was Truth for me. I could never help her because I never knew how the injury damaged her, and I wasn't alone. Not one doctor I took her to knew what was happening to her.

I was a willing vessel to lose that ignorance, but as I've found out recently I was always before my time. 

A friend shared her husband's view of me - Tenacious. 

Tenacious - 

  • tending to keep a firm hold of something; clinging or adhering closely.
  • not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action; determined.
  • persisting in existence; not easily dispelled.

Tenacious people move past the criticism and judgement. They have a goal. That's it. God obviously knew what He was doing when he created me. That definition reminds me of a favorite quote by Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

What I've come to realize is that I was never meant to be in the ballroom. I'm meant for the arena.  I've stumbled. My face is marred by dust, sweat and blood. I've strived valiantly. I've erred. I've come up short again and again. I've spent my time on a worthy cause, and I'm praying that someday, I will triumph and be used as God's instrument to heal my beautiful girl. You see, the ballroom isn't suited for the race designed for me. Ballrooms lack the stairs needed to strengthen my endurance. My tenacity. Tenacity produces perseverance, perseverance produces faith. Or as James 1:3 says, "because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance", or Romans 5:3 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance". Tenacity. Endurance. Perseverance. Which comes first? The suffering seems to be the catalyst and is defined by our individual "race" or "run". The race we can't quit. This verse has been lingering in my mind for several months, especially the "everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles" part.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Throwing off the sin that so easily entangles. This is a word for the wise, for the wolf criers.  I'll never mislead with my cries. For me, the cries indicated the building of my faith, a sort of call for prayers for my vision....my believing.  My cries are the seeking of that smooth path to emerge. Cries to submit my voice to my voiceless daughter only to restore her voice. Maybe reimagining crying wolf in the first place. I promise, I'll never fool you.

Thank you for being patient with me over the last year or two, as I've been cowering in the corner. I do feel covered in prayer for the first time in a long time, so Olivia must be on someone's mind.  God's Timing is perfect, but those waiting in the hallway are not❤️



p.s. I do think God has given me more wisdom about her injury. Believe with me❤️❤️

Friday, September 18, 2020

Happy Birthday Olivia❤️

 Hi ;)

Long time no see. 

Obviously, I took a much needed hiatus, but now I'm back. I missed you.


My Baby Girl is 22 today and I am a mess of emotions.

 Just being real. 

Leaning into this very important verse:



Not to harm you


It's been a hard week for Olivia. Not sure why. 

Praying for a better day tomorrow.

Thank you for joining me❤️



Monday, December 30, 2019

So long 2019! I welcome 2020 with Declarations, NOT Resolutions❤️

Happy New Year!

I've made a decision! This year, I'm making DECLARATIONS instead of flimsy resolutions that fizzle out by February.

It's settled. I've decided to finally Go Big - or Go Home.

My younger daughter hung this poster on her bedroom door recently. My mind's eye did a bit of editing:

I pulled out my favorite devotional - Sarah Young's "Jesus Calling" and reread the devotion for January 1st. It goes something like this:

"COME TO ME with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with Me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead, seek My Face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite I know and understand you completely; My thought embrace you in everlasting love. I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to My Presence.

So good.

Unfortunately, last year I skipped reading this. In fact, I couldn't even find this book amongst the chaos of my life. I was in REHAB mode....reading, studying, consulting and devouring any therapeutic reading material I could to recover Olivia from the abyss she had slipped into during her 2018 hospital stay. I focused, and became obsessed with the TERRIBLE and HOPELESS prognosis given to my girl. I wasn't teachable. The only changing I was interested in was to go back and change that fateful hospital stay. My mind was fixed, I lost Him. He knew and saw my flaws. He understands my deep hatred of myself - how I allowed this to happen to my girl. His Presence was drowned out by my completely distracted mind.

Highlights of the Physical Medicine Doctor's Progress Notes 3/20/18

Physical Therapy - "There has been little functional progress noted."
Occupational Therapy - "There has been little functional progress noted."
Speech/Language Pathology - "No interventions in 2 weeks due to limited goals and potential for functional independence 😭

Neuro: "The patient has spastic quadriplegia from a diagnosis of seizures and brain dysfunction. The mother feels that she had a typical child until that child receive the MMR vaccine. In addition, the mother does not feel that her daughter has Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome. This is notable as said disease is chronic and progressive, so that affects how reasonable it is to expect this child to get back to a functional baseline."

"This patient is currently Max-Total Assist for mobility, is non-verbal, has poor expressive/receptive language and requires total assist for ADL's" 

See for yourself👇🏻

But....these words, total devastation:

"The mother has stated goals that include her daughter returning to being able to walk, do ADL's (Activities of Daily Living) and feed herself, but this DOES NOT APPEAR TO BE FUNCTIONALLY POSSIBLE OR REASONABLE."

Initiate obsession of 2018/2019. The slowest/fastest years of this journey.

I am so thankful God blessed my efforts. This physical medicine doctor was wrong.

Skills/abilities Olivia regained despite his prognosis:

Complete and normal head control.
Restored ability to sit unassisted.
Restored ability to walk (assisted).
No tube feeding. Restored ability to eat orally.

Olivia is already a miracle! How is it possible that I was able to restore her functioning when the experts said it was impossible? For Olivia, the experts are not experts of her.

2020 is Olivia's year!

January 1, I will be a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. Walking close with Him for a life of continual newness. I kiss my old ways goodbye as I step into this new year. I will seek His face with an open mind, knowing that my journey involves being transformed by the renewing of my mind. I will focus my thoughts on Him, loving that He is fully attentive to me. He knows His plans for my girl. Plans to prosper her, not to harm her. Plans to give us hope, and Olivia a future. Attentiveness to His presence - no distractions.

I'd like to share with you a couple of the declarations I have written for my beautiful girl. Thank you for your prayers for her recovery. I'm looking forward to a new level of restoration in 2020.

May 2020 bless you & your family,



Thursday, November 28, 2019

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving from Olivia & I!❤️
So thankful for how far she has come, so excited to watch her continued healing! Praying for big things from our big God!❤️❤️



Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Anatomy of Unbelief

Last night I had the strangest dream.

I was back in the early days of our family life and we were at home, in our first house and all of a sudden Olivia was just gone. Like, physically gone from her bedroom.

I was in a panic. Running around the neighborhood, knocking door to door, calling the police, calling my friends and family, reeling with an indescribable feeling of dread.

It didn't matter though.

I was alone.

No one was alarmed. Their day was just like any other, mine, literally destroyed.

This dream brought it all back.  I relived it.

I heard those comments again.

"No, the vaccines didn't do this. It's her. It's genetic." (Pediatrician)

"What did you do? This is your fault." (Pediatrician)

"No, there is nothing wrong with her bowels. She must just think she has to go #2 20 times a day." (Gastroenterologist )

"Well, if anything, the vaccines just "unmasked" an "underlying genetic condition" that's all, vaccines are safe and effective." (Neurologist)

"No way! That only happens to one in a million children, not Olivia. Vaccines saved the world. I'm sorry but you are wrong." (500 different versions like this - Multiple Friends and family members)

"Her genetic tests are all clear, but she clearly has a genetic problem - we just haven't discovered it yet. We will figure it out some day, I'm sure of it." (Geneticist)

"God gave inspiration to man for vaccines. Vaccines are resources and instruments from God. They save lives and Olivia's life was affected for the greater good. (Multiple Pastors and Church Officials)

Drifting in and out of this dream was bittersweet. Seeing and re-experiencing her beautiful soul before it disappeared was magical. My subconscious remembered her sweetness and her intelligence in a way that could only come from Above. A dream like state that only He could recreate.

But then she was gone, and that feeling of her being ripped away was back and it hurt more then ever.

And those comments. The way I was treated in the early days. Devastating.

No one believed me, and soon I didn't believe in myself. What a natural progression.

Are we born unbelievers, or are we just subject to an unbelieving world? Have you ever thought about that? The last couple months I've been thinking about the anatomy, or the "internal workings", of unbelief?

I wonder if you've ever been there? Trying so hard to believe for something when no one else would.

When Olivia was first injured and her health began declining rapidly, no one believed that she was vaccine injured. Friends and  family were the first to hear the news and they were as supportive as they could be, but my news cut against everything they had known, everything they had been told, and to many of them it was just unbelievable.

As Olivia's condition worsened after several medical interventions, my belief of the cause of her rapid decline became even clearer. Now I was repeating my "theory" with professionals -  doctors, nurses, and therapists of every kind and it soon turned ugly. I was mocked. I was threatened. I was talked about behind closed doors.

I know what you are thinking......why am I slipping into the past? I've asked myself the question over the last couple days as I began writing this post. My only explanation is that a comment triggered me, and like many that suffer from PTSD, that trigger kicked me back to that curb I thought I finally left behind.

Here's what people don't understand about life with a vaccine injured child....people don't want to hear it, and if they do hear it, they immediately look at the parent differently. Immediately.

Most do not SAY it, but their body language does, and it communicates loud and clear.

And that was, in my opinion, the beginning of unbelief, plain and simple. Rejection. Compartmentalization. Avoidance.

Each and every person, each and every comment took a little piece of me. Soon, those missing pieces left a hole. A gaping hole in my heart, a hole in my story - like "oh my gosh ---- did this really happen to my girl?", but most importantly it left me with a clear case of unbelief.....in myself.

That's why I did it.

That's why I ran screaming and thrashing towards God, because I was thrashing myself enough. My relationships were suffering....they couldn't help me. I mean, who the heck knows what they would do when their perfect toddler, who was talking and potty trained, all of a sudden STOPS DOING IT ALL. Believe me, you don't know what you would do until it happens to you.

My experience seems to always end up in a beautifully written song. A couple years ago, when I heard Steffany Gretzinger's song "Pieces", I found rescue and restoration in her lyrics.

God has proven to be "Unreserved, unrestrained, His love is wild for me. It isn't shy, It's unashamed
His love is proud to be seen with me".

Seriously, I needed that.

Our story wasn't worthy enough for the people in my life to even question the idea of vaccination, let alone research the truth and benefit from the education. Why the heck did I need that validation? I mean, my amazing college friends threw together a benefit that raised a large sum of money. I was and will forever be thankful for that amazing night and their support❤️

Let me be clear.....95% of the people in our lives were and have been very kind, and I know they felt extremely bad for us. This post is not about people being mean........it's about people not believing. There is a difference.

It's a lonely road emotionally when the most defining moment of your life makes you an embarrassment for friends and loved ones to even associate with you. For some, it was that defining.

Some friends and family are now dealing with their adult children with serious mental health, neurological  and/or autoimmune issues. Its so sad. But it's a reality for many, chronic illness now affects 54% of children and young adults If the experts were right about the safety of vaccines, shouldn't our children be getting healthier?

Just asking.

If you've been following our sorted tale, I'm sure you have read my references to the Bible story about Jesus healing the epileptic boy. Here's that story to refresh your memory.

"When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

“What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
From childhood,” he answered.  “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up." Mark 9:14-29.

Let's think about this father from Mark 9:14-29. He was alone with his son. The scripture does not say that he was there with other family members or friends. It's the father and his son, and it's clear that his child had been suffering "since childhood". You know what else is clear? That he had traveled from afar.....that everyone had failed to help his child.....even the disciples. His first words spoken to Jesus were "if you can".  Jesus already knew the whole crowd's heart. "You unbelieving generation".

Of course he's full of unbelief.....no one had been able to stop his son's suffering, even the disciples, who were healing people left and right. Where did his unbelief come from? From his experiences, from the way he had been treated along the way. I can imagine that people were whispering to each other, "why doesn't he just accept that his son was just BORN that way, it was his DESTINY, it's something wrong with HIM.

But no, the father would not give up, only Jesus could help with his unbelief. He restored his "pieces" of faith. The "pieces" of hope. The "pieces" essential for BELIEVING.

I love this Matthew Henry Commentary about this block of scripture:

"The father of the suffering youth reflected on the want of power in the disciples; but Christ will have him reckon the disappointment to the want of faith. Very much is promised to our believing. If thou canst believe, it is possible that thy hard heart may be softened, thy spiritual diseases may be cured; and, weak as thou art, thou mayest be able to hold out to the end. 

Those that complain of unbelief, must look up to Christ for grace to help them against it, and his grace will be sufficient for them. Whom Christ cures, he cures effectually. But Satan is unwilling to be driven from those that have been long his slaves, and, when he cannot deceive or destroy the sinner, he will cause him all the terror that he can. The disciples must not think to do their work always with the same ease; some services call for more than ordinary pains."

My story is too similar, and because I went searching, God was able to reveal my error. When this happened to Olivia, I was so weak in my spirit (with a loud outer man), everyone else's unbelief wore on me. My problem was that I was looking to my friends, family, doctors, nurses to help me believe and they weren't. They did the opposite, which was my fault, not theirs.

For those who worry that I carry offense, that just isn't so. I've let go of the disappointment a long time ago. I'm not going to lie, it still stings a little bit when someone denies her injury, I am human. But just as I wouldn't throw away the depth of understanding I've developed by reading God's Truth, I will never throw away the vast education and Truth I've secured about the lies and dangers of vaccines, to believe in their ignorance. Never.

When I start getting down on myself and my situation and the fight I'm up against I just remind myself of David, as in David and Goliath. I'm reminded that he was teased....no one believed in him, but he went ahead and stepped into his destiny and defeated Goliath. Someday, Olivia and I will step into our destiny.

I feel we are getting closer by the day.❤️

I'm not alone, I'm with the One who restores all the pieces.