I wish I would have realized that assuming things without challenging the assumptions leads to a belief system based on blind trust and blind faith.
Redo please (sigh).
Well, like many I was blinded.
In my previous post, I detailed the assumptions that were made with Olivia's recent 8-week hospital stay. It really got me thinking about the assumptions that I made when Olivia was an infant.
- I assumed that vaccines were safe
- I assumed that vaccines were necessary
- I assumed that my pediatrician was an expert on vaccines
- I assumed that vaccines strengthened her immune system
- I assumed that the ingredients were minimal....like maybe an antigen and saline
A friend of mine recently sent me a sweet note telling me that he prays for me often. I love the encouragement and I love it when people reach out to me with their prayers for Olivia. What I found perplexing about his note was this statement --- "your friends are scared to approach you because of fear."
This makes me so sad. I want to be approachable. Why are they scared? What causes the fear?
Maybe my friends are afraid because they see me entering into scary, uncharted territory. I'm talking about a very controversial subject and let's face it ---- most people have fully vaccinated children.
Maybe they are afraid for me....like embarrassed for me....you know like when you're embarrassed for the drunk friend on the dance floor.....that I'm sticking my neck out by talking about her injury. Or, maybe they think the faith-building journey I write about......me growing and learning and trusting in the hope that God will answer my prayers and heal Olivia of this injury...... is a bunch of hogwash.
Maybe they are afraid because our belief systems are on different ends of the spectrum so any sort of conversation between us may redefine our relationship. Maybe they wholeheartedly believe in the indoctrinated "evidence-based science" and cannot venture past information that may challenge their current thinking.
I can't be sure.
What I can be sure of is that I'm done with fear...I've finally realized after 17 years that fear is a liar. Fear cheats you out of moments, out of memories. Fear has you living in the future while your present grows numb. Fear turns you into a person you don't even recognize and shames you for it the following day. Fear confuses you, controls you and sacrifices your life to the wolves roaming on the outskirts of your soul's campsite....simply because it puts the fire out. Poof.
God's has had to relight my fire several times because of fear's powerful hold over me.
Here's really what is scary:
1 in 6 US kids have learning disabilities
1 in 26 people will develop epilepsy in their lifetime - 1 in 20 children under 5 years old.
1 in 59 kids have autism
I can say, in all honesty, that I used to dream about the medical community being Olivia's hero. But, year after year goes by and with each (necessary) hospitalization she continues to get weaker and weaker with every treatment they suggest (which basically boils down to 1 of 3 tools in their toolbox....vaccines, antibiotics, drugs). I know for some people the medical community was/is their hero and in no way am I discounting the positive life-saving forces that some people have benefited from. Emergency services are amazing and surgical advances are incredible.
Olivia's condition has been dubbed "rare". Did you know that 1 in 10 Americans (10% of the population has a rare disease)? There are over 7000 different rare conditions they assume 80% are genetic. Yes. That is what they say about Olivia. It's genetic.....even though every single genetic test has come back normal. They'll find it someday.....they assure me. They are on the case to figure out what her "underlying condition" is.🤔
Back to heroes. I've been looking for one of those.......like the Real Hero.
Remember that scene in the movie Shrek 2....and, of course, the song?
"I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light. He's gotta be sure And it's gotta be soon. And he's gotta be larger than life"
Larger than life.
Yep. That's what I need. Only something larger than life can lift you out of a seemingly impossible situation. Believe me. Without this Hero, I see how impossible Olivia's situation looks. When I take my eyes off of Him, emotions like dread, overwhelming sadness and fear set it. Is this what my friends see?
You know what's funny is that this little scene in Shrek 2 is so spot on with Olivia's situation. The fair Fiona needed a hero to rescue her from the deceit happening right under her nose. Her hero was working behind the scenes to rescue her from something she was unaware of. Her white knight riding in on his fiery steed..when in reality, its the humble ogre in love and the fear-laden donkey, together posing......but none is as great as the True, White Knight.
Instead of assuming things when my children were babies, I wish I had known this......
Aluminum, which is used as an adjuvant in vaccines (creates an immunological response so that our immune system recognizes the antigen riding piggyback) granted a GRAS (Generally Recognized As Safe) status in 1975. So, in effect, it was/is assumed to be safe, so no studies were/are needed. I was completely unaware of the myriad of chemicals in each vaccine vial. Here is the CDC compilation of each vaccine and their ingredients. The TOXICOLOGICAL PROFILE FOR ALUMINUM (2008) shows detailed information on how aluminum affects the human body, although throughout the 300 pages of this document the words "no studies available" were abundant.
In the last several months, groundbreaking studies on the truth of Aluminum and its effects on the human body (especially the brain) have been published and the findings took my breath away.
There are so many "skin on" heroes in the vaccine injury world. J.B. Handley (co-founder of Generation Rescue) is definitely one of them. The father of a vaccine injured son, he has emerged as a voice for parents and his research and reporting of the scientific studies surrounding this realization is remarkable.
By now, you know me enough to realize that I am just a Momma looking to heal my baby girl. I'm not a scientist(although I do love reading studies that relate to Olivia's situation). Because of this (and space on my blog post), I will refer you to the more in-depth analysis of these important studies for your perusal. I view my position as sharing my journey which includes the information I have learned along the way.
Highlights of the newly published research:
J.B. Handley's excellent compilation of the new research emerging on Aluminum in Vaccines creating neuro-degenerative conditions is a must read.
Reconsideration of the Immunotherapeutic pediatric safe dose levels of aluminum - James Lyons-Weiler
"Whilst being environmentally abundant, aluminum is not essential for life. On the contrary, aluminum is a widely recognized neurotoxin that inhibits more than 200 biologically important functions and causes various adverse effects in plants, animals, and humans". Kawahara 2011 PMID 21423554
Inhibits more than 200 biologically important functions. Interference of normal neuro sequencing of brain development. Impairs many cell structures and cell functions.
Interesting. Common sense would attribute this to the increase in Idiopathic Epilepsy, which, you guessed it means "seizures of unknown origin". This seizure type makes up 1/3 of new epilepsy cases and.....you guessed it again...affects children most often. These seizure syndromes present no brain abnormalities and are believed to have a genetic root. Of course. They are looking for the genetic connection. I, for one, will not hold my breath.
Kind of reminds me of Olivia's recent hospital stay. Fevers of Unknown Origin (FUO). On discharge, they meticulously explained that even though she did not get admitted with fevers of 104/105, that now her new normal is fevers every day because her "underlying condition" has now caused her brain to create these fevers and it is permanent. One hospitalist even went as far as that if she stopped having fevers every day it would be a "miracle". Well, praise God.......she hasn't had a fever since we've been home (insert a hint of sarcasm). Never once did they attribute the fevers to drug toxicity (remember --- 7 major drugs started at once). Just. Can't. Make. This. Stuff. Up.
And just like that.....major confirmation of what I have been saying for years. I knew her before the damage. I heard her sweet little voice....her cute little giggle...her super smart abilities that included knowing her ABC's, all the animals and their sounds, and counting up to 15. Do I have a scientific study detailing that this is, in fact, is the root cause of Olivia's "underlying condition"? No. But I do have common sense. Unlike the doctors at the hospital, I will, through research like these new studies figure out the damage, how it happened and someday be able to explain it in more detail. This was the elephant in room 5020. There's a term for it. She has Iatrogenic Disorder. What is that you say? It's a specific disease or disorder caused by medical treatment --- aka her suffering is a result of the medical intervention (vaccines, antibiotics, drugs) I began with her at 12 hours old with a vaccine for a sexually transmitted disease (oh, and for IV drug users) that contained 250mcg of this said neurotoxin and many others.....ugh.
My beautiful girl was named Olivia Christine Johnson with the initials OCJ.....she does not have the initials CD for "Collateral Damage" that which is expected by a system seeking a fictional herd immunity. Vaccine injured children and adults do not have to suffer because of an ignorant belief in herd immunity that is grossly misinterpreted. Dr. Suzanne Humphries
Could this be one of the roots to the increasing number of rare diseases we discussed earlier? Here's the answer ---- No studies available.
Oh, friends, I wish this recording of our journey was more lovely....desperation imagines beauty, it wants beauty.....doesn't it? But the truth is clear.....it isn't and I'm done being fearful or scared about revealing the truth surrounding Olivia's suffering. I invite my friends to ditch the fear and reach out to me. Remember....I'm just a Momma trying to help my girl. Anyone in my situation would fight like mad for their child....I guarantee it.
A couple months ago, I ventured over to my younger daughters dance studio to watch her practice. I immediately fell in love with the lyrical music as I sat back and watched the beautiful dance the choreographer and teammates had put together. In an instant, I could relate the words of the "Lovely" song to so many young girls....as well as mature girls. One night as I laid down next to Olivia on the makeshift mattress now residing in our office, I could hear Lauren practicing to that particular song. While listening I glanced over to Olivia and she looked up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. In an instant, while gazing into those mesmerizing light blue lovelies, my spirit heard a whisper from hers. The words to the song came alive with meaning, for Olivia's life. I felt as if she was telling me, "Mom, I was good before. I was good the way I was. I want to be the way I was, Mom."
She was lovely. Her body, her God-given....." fearfully and wonderfully made" immune system was lovely, He wove those inward parts with complex chemical reactions that confuse the wise. I was the one who allowed the mayhem, the agitation....the long-lasting trigger that can only be initiated by a foreign chemical injected into pure divine loveliness. Me. What gave me that right? Because I blindly trusted a belief system?
I wish I would have known that my "belief" system was based on assumptions, that "evidence-based" medicine for vaccination was really just a mirage. More studies are questioning this "science" with findings that it just may be some sort of "Frankenscience" (Dr. Toni Bark). With many things in today's world you learn about the dangers, but with vaccines, the perception that anything could go wrong is downplayed and not talked about. We're kept in the dark. Their idea of informed consent is a fairy tale, just take a look at the real vaccine package inserts. Those pesky side effects are real. As I look back on those appointments, I now know the reason why my stomach turned as I witnessed each and every injection. It was my inner man begging me to look further, understand more. Who gave them that right to do that to my child? Who gave me the right to cower? Deception is sneaky. Her life was meant to be beautiful. To be lovely.
Ripping off that blindfold has been liberating. Its removal exposes Truth and the true root of my fear and in that revealing instant, I realized it wasn't the wolves encircling my soul's campsite. Instead, with disbelief, it was actually the sheep, with their deceptively white coats that tied that blindfold painfully tight....with the fear they instilled......to scare me into their belief system. Remember the words to the "Fear is a Liar" song? Sneak back up to the beginning of this post....you will see the purple link.....listen to that truth. Here's a reminder:
Fear, he is a liar He will take your breath Stop you in your steps
Fear, he is a liar He will rob your rest Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire Cause fear he is a liar
I assume different things now. I assume that God made Olivia's body "wonderful" and powerful.... capable of restoration. I assume God has a good plan for Olivia's life. I assume I can put my trust in His will and that campfire in my soul can burn bright with His Love.....His Wisdom when I start believing in the True Hero, who isn't a poser. His White Horse carries The One. I assume that God can take our situation and bring beauty from the ashes. 18 years of ashes. I can assume good will come out of the pain and suffering. With these assumptions I am guaranteed to never feel like I'm the a*s ever again.......u can too. Ripping off the blindfold is liberating. Truth is liberating.
I have to remember that God is the True and Final Judge:
"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."1 Corinthians 3:16-17
Interested in removing the blindfold? There are so many resources, but so to not overwhelm you I would suggest these first:
Dissolving Illusions: Disease, Vaccines, and the Forgotten History - Dr. Suzanne Humphries, MD, Roman Bystrianyk
Injecting Aluminum Documentary
The Truth about Vaccines Documentary Series
Vaccines Revealed Documentary Series