I am sure I am like many woman doing the James study. The feeling as though God is talking directly to me through Beth and her teachings. The third video simply blew me away. Her gift of taking scriptures and pulling it into our everyday lives is astounding.
For those who haven’t seen session three, she camps on the two words JOY and ANGUISH.
Anguish. What an awful word. It even sounds bad coming out of your mouth. She defines it so well. Beth would never write a simple definition, to that she adds “The word “anguish” is often used to convey the added element of "mental distress”. She continues to break the word down, pulling its Latin meaning “to choke” and the Greek meaning which comes from the word thlipsis meaning to crush, press, compress or squeeze. To visualize someone in this compromised capacity is heart wrenching. The way she describes this deepens my compassion for people with mental illness of any kind....autism adhd depression anxiety bipolar schizophrenia etc etc etc. God has shown me a world of deep anguish. So deep that it looks as though it is impossible to change or heal. Her study continues to show how 1) anguish and joy can coexist, 2) anguish and joy can trade places and 3) the source of anguish can morph into joy.
Like many, I have personally felt the first one. I always have called Lauren "pure Joy" because she was given to us during a period of devastating anguish over Olivia's situation. It may sound weird but having her gave me the ability to press on. I never knew that "Joy" itself has an organic quality - not in something but SOMEONE. That SOMEONE being the Lord. His gift of Lauren was not only timely but incredibly gracious. As I have learned, JOY is tied to relationships, not circumstances.
Lately, several intense situations have given me a taste of her concept of joy and anguish trading places. First it was the weird walking thing that happened to Lauren. Yes, of course Toxic Synivitis happens to other children (who knew - right?). Here I am, a mother of a child who supposedly has a "complex neurological" condition, that is then faced with my healthy child "appearing" as though she has developed a neurological condition in the course of 12-hours. Talk about ANGUISH!!! I will never forgot walking behind her to the bathroom, she walked as though she had cerebral palsy. By the time we hit the stalls I just sat down and balled my eyes out. I could not control it or keep it at bay any longer - complete ANGUISH. The enemy is so skillful isn't he. He knows how much I have researched neurological conditions over the last 11 years. He knows that I know it happens to healthy children. A full day and night of being "choked, crushed, pressed, and squeezed". Exhausting. But, the next day that anguish was traded for joy as I learned the TRUTH about what was going on with her. A virus in her joints ~ who knew of such a thing ~ not me.
Well, Beth had me hook, line and sinker from the start of the video, but then she went on to explain my life over the last 11 years. That the source of anguish can MORPH into JOY. She explained it as "the same roller coaster ride that gave you pain and nightmares ends up bringing you to your dream." She continues to say that this sort of thing is frequently used in connection with the acts of God!
Beth Moore junkies know this all too well. You can count on Beth to pull everything together at the end, where is resonates in your heart, as the video screen seems to pull you in further while the room gets comfortably quiet. She finishes up the study explaining how mental anguish can be like the mind in labor. That anguish is meant to lead to a birth of something - that is, if you trust God. If you choose to rebel you will give birth to wind (ISAIAH 26:17-18). In this case you would never know what was meant to come out of your anguish.
No wonder I have so much passion --- it is God given! This gives me further reason to persevere through the potholes and problems associated with the GAPS Diet and Olivia. I will give birth to something, I just do not know what yet. Last week, I decided that I too will be on the diet. How in the world can I talk and recommend something that I haven't done myself? I know I will emerge even healthier than I am now. I have only been on it two weeks and I have already felt the pain of not eating what everyone else is. It takes some planning. I know in my heart that it will be worth it. While researching one day I came across this letter this guy posted on the GAPS sight. Very powerful!
I’m a 36 year old man who is about to celebrate his 37th birthday in a couple of days with, what appears to be, a significantly healed brain. I have much to celebrate.
See, I was diagnosed with Schizo Affective Disorder (a severe mental disorder that is a cross between Bipolar 1 and Schizophrenia.) This is a completely debilitating condition that has made life extremely difficult for me. Then I came across the GAPS diet a little while ago. In a short time, and for the first time in my life since I was diagnosed almost 15 years ago, I have been able to almost cut out my medication completely.
Now, I have had periods of remission in the past at different times. This, however, is different. During those remissions, I’d have to stay on the pills. It was impossible, as much as I tried, to come off them. I’d simply start feeling bad again.
Not this time. The GAPS diet is working!
There’s something, also, I have to note as well. The reason I dropped my medications (slowly), at all, was that as I progressed on the diet, I noticed I was feeling worse after and for approximately 6 – 8 hours after I’d pop my pills. I thought this was strange but quickly realized I was feeling negative effects from the Zoloft, Ativan and Abilify. The pills were making me feel bad.
It was as though my brain did not require them any longer and all I was left with were the side effects of the pills (sedation, etc). Therefore, I slowly cut them out.
I feel calm, stable, healthy, and good. I was erratic prior. I’m not now and I really hope this gives a ton of hope to many out there because, let’s face it, Schizo Affective Disorder is the [combination] of two horrific mental illnesses. I’m an extreme case. I had huge success! If I can get my life back… anyone can!
Thank you so much!!
November 10, 2010
I know that I will be saying something similar about Olivia's recovery. Like..... "She WAS an extreme case. If she can get her life back.........any child CAN!!!"